I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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