Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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