nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
