We won't sleep together?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
