The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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