Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
