You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
