some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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