Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
