your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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