So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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