I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
