I'm lost and stupid without you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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