I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
