P.S. I can't hear my feet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Send help, water and tortillas.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
