Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize