it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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