I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize