You smell like stripper and shame
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
