Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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