What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
do herpes really smell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
