You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
