then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
