Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
