I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
