I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
