my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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