i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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