That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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