So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
