had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
