the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
