I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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