the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
