Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think my tv is drunk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
