Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
