every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize