Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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