okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
