Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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