I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
