Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize