Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
