I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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