I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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