3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
