Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
