Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
