I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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