Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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