I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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