Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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