Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
