i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
