well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
