I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize