oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
