I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
