I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
