I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
