I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
