your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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