Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
