so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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