Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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