Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
