You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
