No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
