One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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