Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize